Just a few weeks ago, my tumblr celebrated its third
birthday. That’s three years of reblogging and liking, of fanart and fanfiction
and social justice and self-discovery. Three years, it seems, is enough. Just
before the three-year mark, I deleted the tumblr app from my phone, and made
the tentative decision to stop watching my favorite show. It’s been almost three
weeks, and with the exception of trying to find specific things, I’ve been
tumblr-free. And it’s the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
One of the beautiful things about tumblr, and one of the
things that I think is the most appealing about it, is that it’s a (mostly)
safe place for people to express things that they can’t express in “real life”.
(The legitimacy of that safety can be debated, but that’s not what this post is
about.) Tumblr is a place where people can be themselves, where people can find
other people like them, where unbreakable friendships are formed. A lot of times,
this expression is negative.
I want to preface this next part by saying that in no way am
I saying people should stop doing what they’re doing. I’m not saying that
people on tumblr are bad people for doing what they do.
There is lot of anger on tumblr. Much of that anger is
justified. There are legitimate issues with television shows and movies that
need to be addressed and fixed. There is change that needs to happen. For me,
the anger and negativity became too much.
The day I decided to take a step back from tumblr, one of my
favorite authors made some comment that tumblr took issue with. The speed with
which tumblr turned on him was, quite frankly, terrifying. He was much beloved
by tumblr, and suddenly people were saying “how often do you think [he] sucks
his own dick?” (He later apologized for his comment, and I have no idea if
tumblr went back to loving him as they did before.) Tumblr’s reaction to this
comment scared me. I saw how quickly public opinion could change, and I decided
I didn’t want to be part of that anymore. I didn’t want to risk getting caught
up in that any more than I already had.
This incident was not the first indication that it was time
for me to leave, however. It was merely the tipping point. I’d already been
unhappy with tumblr for some time.
As anyone who knows me knows, I’ve been a huge fan of the
MTV show “Teen Wolf” for a couple of years. I watched it almost religiously,
read massive amounts of fanfiction, and became increasingly involved in lurking
in the fandom. After a while, I found
myself becoming too involved in both the show and the fandom. It eventually got
to the point where it was controlling my life. Most of my time and energy was
devoted to thinking about Teen Wolf. Instead of being comforted by Teen Wolf,
it became one of the main stressors in my life.
There is a lot of negativity in the Teen Wolf fandom,
primarily surrounding the wildly popular ship “Sterek”. I’m not going to get
into the details of the negativity, because they’re not important to this post.
The important thing is that most of what I saw on tumblr was negativity, and I’d
been increasingly unhappy with it. I’d found myself getting caught up in the
negativity, and got to the point where I was so unhappy that I couldn’t enjoy
the show anymore.
This negativity, mixed with the fact that the show started
going in a direction I didn’t like, lead to some doubts as to whether I should
continue with the show or not.
One of the issues I encountered when debating leaving Teen
Wolf was that I had spent a couple of years with the show. I’d invested massive
amounts of time and energy into the show, and it seemed silly to give up on it
now. I felt guilty for wanting to stop watching the show, feeling like I was betraying
the actors.
I then realized something very important: I didn’t owe the
show anything. I didn’t owe the actors, I didn’t owe Jeff Davis, I didn’t owe
anyone. The fact was that Teen Wolf was no longer something that brought me
joy. Once I realized that, the decision was easy. I no longer felt guilty for
not watching.
The decision to leave tumblr and the decision to stop
watching Teen Wolf were probably two of the best decisions I’ve made all year. They’ve
been incredibly beneficial to my mental health and well-being, and my
self-esteem. I’m better able to focus on actually living my life and preparing
for the future. I have more time to focus on school and work.
There are, of course, things about tumblr that I miss. I
miss the witty text posts and I’m missing out on the yearly Fourth of July take
over where people make jokes and hilariously obnoxious edits about freedom. And
yes, a small part of me misses the drama of the Teen Wolf fandom and the Jeff
Davis vs. Sterek battle. I miss talking to my friends about the latest episode
of Teen Wolf, and I miss the spectacular meta and headcannons people come up
with.
Maybe one day I’ll go back. Maybe I’ll make a completely new
blog and stay away from fandom, instead sticking with anxiety help and writing
tips, and things that I’m less likely to get wrapped up in. But right now, it’s
still too fresh. It’s too soon for me to safely jump back in. So I’ll bid adieu
to tumblr and Teen Wolf, at least for now.