Fire and Brimstone and Not Getting Upset

[Warning for one slur, included as a quote.]

     Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably seen people standing out by the street with signs declaring in big letters that “Gays are going to hell!” and “God hates sin!” and other such exclamations. If you haven’t seen them in person, you’ve probably at least seen them on TV or on the internet. 

     Every week, there is a man at my school who stands on a box somewhere on campus, with his sign and his flyers, who yells about how God is a judge, and how we all sin, etc. I have fondly dubbed him “Mister Preacher Man”. The nice thing about Mister Preacher Man is that, as far as I know, he doesn’t call people out individually and tell them they’re going to hell. He invites people to stand on a box and have a discussion with him. Granted, it’s a discussion mostly consisting of yelling about how you’re going to hell, but at least he lets people talk. (Although he did call a friend of mine a “faggot”, so he loses some points there. Not cool, Mister Preacher Man. Not cool at all.)

     Sometimes, however, Mister Preacher Man brings his friends along. Mister Preacher Man’s friends are a tad more obnoxious than Mister Preacher Man. Mister Preacher Man’s friends bring lots of signs, and Bibles, and like to yell about people going to hell. I call them the Fire and Brimstone People, or the Hellfire Guys. They usually have a large crowd of people around them (99% of whom are probably there for the entertainment value.), and there’s the usual back and forth one expects from a crowd of college students and people yelling about damnation.

     The Hellfire Guys were outside by the union earlier this week, and I overheard some conversations and saw some Facebook posts indicating that some people were offended by what the Hellfire Guys had to say.

     This is completely understandable. The stuff they say is pretty offensive. They have a sign with a list of kinds of people who are going to hell. There’s the usual “homosexuals”, “abortionists” (Which, what is an “abortionist” anyway?), “liars”, etc. Then there are some gems like “Feminists”, and “lukewarm hypocrites”, and “immodest women”. (Those are my personal favorites.) So, yeah. Pretty offensive.

     The funny thing is, I don’t get offended. I was, of course, upset for my friend when Mister Preacher Man called her what he did, and of course I’m a little sad that they seem to have missed a big part of what I think Jesus taught. (Love, forgiveness, and the like.) I’m not offended, however, when they tell me I’m going to hell because I’m a feminist and feminists go to hell. I’m not offended when their list includes immodest women, but says nothing about immodest men. I’m not offended when they say anything.  I don’t get upset. I just laugh.

     One of the things I remind myself of when I walk past Mister Preacher Man, or the Fire and Brimstone People is that they truly thing they’re doing the right thing. They truly believe that they are helping people. It’s not coming from a place of hate. They truly believe that this is what they need to do to save people. Once I remember that it’s not malicious, it doesn’t bother me so much.

Sometimes I’m tempted to get a to-go box from the cafeteria and sit outside and just listen to them, because some of the stuff they say is so outrageous. It’s so far off from the message of love and forgiveness and acceptance that I grew up with that I stand there and think “where are y’all getting this stuff?”  Once you stop expecting anything different from them, they become quite entertaining. 

Why Leaving Fandom Was The Best Decision of the Year

     Just a few weeks ago, my tumblr celebrated its third birthday. That’s three years of reblogging and liking, of fanart and fanfiction and social justice and self-discovery. Three years, it seems, is enough. Just before the three-year mark, I deleted the tumblr app from my phone, and made the tentative decision to stop watching my favorite show. It’s been almost three weeks, and with the exception of trying to find specific things, I’ve been tumblr-free. And it’s the happiest I’ve been in a long time. 

     One of the beautiful things about tumblr, and one of the things that I think is the most appealing about it, is that it’s a (mostly) safe place for people to express things that they can’t express in “real life”. (The legitimacy of that safety can be debated, but that’s not what this post is about.) Tumblr is a place where people can be themselves, where people can find other people like them, where unbreakable friendships are formed. A lot of times, this expression is negative.

     I want to preface this next part by saying that in no way am I saying people should stop doing what they’re doing. I’m not saying that people on tumblr are bad people for doing what they do.

There is lot of anger on tumblr. Much of that anger is justified. There are legitimate issues with television shows and movies that need to be addressed and fixed. There is change that needs to happen. For me, the anger and negativity became too much.

     The day I decided to take a step back from tumblr, one of my favorite authors made some comment that tumblr took issue with. The speed with which tumblr turned on him was, quite frankly, terrifying. He was much beloved by tumblr, and suddenly people were saying “how often do you think [he] sucks his own dick?” (He later apologized for his comment, and I have no idea if tumblr went back to loving him as they did before.) Tumblr’s reaction to this comment scared me. I saw how quickly public opinion could change, and I decided I didn’t want to be part of that anymore. I didn’t want to risk getting caught up in that any more than I already had.

     This incident was not the first indication that it was time for me to leave, however. It was merely the tipping point. I’d already been unhappy with tumblr for some time.

     As anyone who knows me knows, I’ve been a huge fan of the MTV show “Teen Wolf” for a couple of years. I watched it almost religiously, read massive amounts of fanfiction, and became increasingly involved in lurking in the fandom.  After a while, I found myself becoming too involved in both the show and the fandom. It eventually got to the point where it was controlling my life. Most of my time and energy was devoted to thinking about Teen Wolf. Instead of being comforted by Teen Wolf, it became one of the main stressors in my life.

     There is a lot of negativity in the Teen Wolf fandom, primarily surrounding the wildly popular ship “Sterek”. I’m not going to get into the details of the negativity, because they’re not important to this post. The important thing is that most of what I saw on tumblr was negativity, and I’d been increasingly unhappy with it. I’d found myself getting caught up in the negativity, and got to the point where I was so unhappy that I couldn’t enjoy the show anymore.

     This negativity, mixed with the fact that the show started going in a direction I didn’t like, lead to some doubts as to whether I should continue with the show or not.

     One of the issues I encountered when debating leaving Teen Wolf was that I had spent a couple of years with the show. I’d invested massive amounts of time and energy into the show, and it seemed silly to give up on it now. I felt guilty for wanting to stop watching the show, feeling like I was betraying the actors.

I then realized something very important: I didn’t owe the show anything. I didn’t owe the actors, I didn’t owe Jeff Davis, I didn’t owe anyone. The fact was that Teen Wolf was no longer something that brought me joy. Once I realized that, the decision was easy. I no longer felt guilty for not watching.

     The decision to leave tumblr and the decision to stop watching Teen Wolf were probably two of the best decisions I’ve made all year. They’ve been incredibly beneficial to my mental health and well-being, and my self-esteem. I’m better able to focus on actually living my life and preparing for the future. I have more time to focus on school and work.

     There are, of course, things about tumblr that I miss. I miss the witty text posts and I’m missing out on the yearly Fourth of July take over where people make jokes and hilariously obnoxious edits about freedom. And yes, a small part of me misses the drama of the Teen Wolf fandom and the Jeff Davis vs. Sterek battle. I miss talking to my friends about the latest episode of Teen Wolf, and I miss the spectacular meta and headcannons people come up with.

     Maybe one day I’ll go back. Maybe I’ll make a completely new blog and stay away from fandom, instead sticking with anxiety help and writing tips, and things that I’m less likely to get wrapped up in. But right now, it’s still too fresh. It’s too soon for me to safely jump back in. So I’ll bid adieu to tumblr and Teen Wolf, at least for now.