Why Leaving Fandom Was The Best Decision of the Year

     Just a few weeks ago, my tumblr celebrated its third birthday. That’s three years of reblogging and liking, of fanart and fanfiction and social justice and self-discovery. Three years, it seems, is enough. Just before the three-year mark, I deleted the tumblr app from my phone, and made the tentative decision to stop watching my favorite show. It’s been almost three weeks, and with the exception of trying to find specific things, I’ve been tumblr-free. And it’s the happiest I’ve been in a long time. 

     One of the beautiful things about tumblr, and one of the things that I think is the most appealing about it, is that it’s a (mostly) safe place for people to express things that they can’t express in “real life”. (The legitimacy of that safety can be debated, but that’s not what this post is about.) Tumblr is a place where people can be themselves, where people can find other people like them, where unbreakable friendships are formed. A lot of times, this expression is negative.

     I want to preface this next part by saying that in no way am I saying people should stop doing what they’re doing. I’m not saying that people on tumblr are bad people for doing what they do.

There is lot of anger on tumblr. Much of that anger is justified. There are legitimate issues with television shows and movies that need to be addressed and fixed. There is change that needs to happen. For me, the anger and negativity became too much.

     The day I decided to take a step back from tumblr, one of my favorite authors made some comment that tumblr took issue with. The speed with which tumblr turned on him was, quite frankly, terrifying. He was much beloved by tumblr, and suddenly people were saying “how often do you think [he] sucks his own dick?” (He later apologized for his comment, and I have no idea if tumblr went back to loving him as they did before.) Tumblr’s reaction to this comment scared me. I saw how quickly public opinion could change, and I decided I didn’t want to be part of that anymore. I didn’t want to risk getting caught up in that any more than I already had.

     This incident was not the first indication that it was time for me to leave, however. It was merely the tipping point. I’d already been unhappy with tumblr for some time.

     As anyone who knows me knows, I’ve been a huge fan of the MTV show “Teen Wolf” for a couple of years. I watched it almost religiously, read massive amounts of fanfiction, and became increasingly involved in lurking in the fandom.  After a while, I found myself becoming too involved in both the show and the fandom. It eventually got to the point where it was controlling my life. Most of my time and energy was devoted to thinking about Teen Wolf. Instead of being comforted by Teen Wolf, it became one of the main stressors in my life.

     There is a lot of negativity in the Teen Wolf fandom, primarily surrounding the wildly popular ship “Sterek”. I’m not going to get into the details of the negativity, because they’re not important to this post. The important thing is that most of what I saw on tumblr was negativity, and I’d been increasingly unhappy with it. I’d found myself getting caught up in the negativity, and got to the point where I was so unhappy that I couldn’t enjoy the show anymore.

     This negativity, mixed with the fact that the show started going in a direction I didn’t like, lead to some doubts as to whether I should continue with the show or not.

     One of the issues I encountered when debating leaving Teen Wolf was that I had spent a couple of years with the show. I’d invested massive amounts of time and energy into the show, and it seemed silly to give up on it now. I felt guilty for wanting to stop watching the show, feeling like I was betraying the actors.

I then realized something very important: I didn’t owe the show anything. I didn’t owe the actors, I didn’t owe Jeff Davis, I didn’t owe anyone. The fact was that Teen Wolf was no longer something that brought me joy. Once I realized that, the decision was easy. I no longer felt guilty for not watching.

     The decision to leave tumblr and the decision to stop watching Teen Wolf were probably two of the best decisions I’ve made all year. They’ve been incredibly beneficial to my mental health and well-being, and my self-esteem. I’m better able to focus on actually living my life and preparing for the future. I have more time to focus on school and work.

     There are, of course, things about tumblr that I miss. I miss the witty text posts and I’m missing out on the yearly Fourth of July take over where people make jokes and hilariously obnoxious edits about freedom. And yes, a small part of me misses the drama of the Teen Wolf fandom and the Jeff Davis vs. Sterek battle. I miss talking to my friends about the latest episode of Teen Wolf, and I miss the spectacular meta and headcannons people come up with.

     Maybe one day I’ll go back. Maybe I’ll make a completely new blog and stay away from fandom, instead sticking with anxiety help and writing tips, and things that I’m less likely to get wrapped up in. But right now, it’s still too fresh. It’s too soon for me to safely jump back in. So I’ll bid adieu to tumblr and Teen Wolf, at least for now.